


Change of mind

by Rouxyn



Category: The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 14:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13906203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rouxyn/pseuds/Rouxyn
Summary: Ron, my partner, hasn't come back from his raid. It's been a week now, and the stress is too much to bear. I'm going after him. I want to find him - alive, dead... or infected.





	Change of mind

Clean.

All my senses seemed to agree: I was in a clean place.

There were no distinguishing scents, besides faint fabric softener; the sheets beneath me were crisp against my skin; and although my eyes were too groggy to open at the moment when I regained consciousness, my intuition seemed to note that the space was in order.

It was, in no way, the hard gritty cave I had come to call home.

My eyes flashed open, heart hammering even before I took in the ceiling. A proper ceiling - flat and white and whole. An overlooked landmark for civilization. And nowadays, civilization was a dangerous place.

I fumbled for my pockets: their emptiness relaying that my knife and cyanide pill had been removed. I suppressed a cuss, dismay filling me. I glanced around. I had suspected as much, but seeing it was something else: I was alone. Why would the parasites leave me alone?

I raised my hands - unbound. I sat up - unbound. I inspected my legs - unbound.

I was growing more and more confused. My brain registered the quaintness of the room without me having to focus on anything - the pastel blue of the linen, the varnished wooden floor, the dark cream walls, the empty oak desk, matching the empty side-table...

‘Wait.’

The side-table wasn’t empty. Perched atop it, seeming as out-of-place as I did on the plush mattress, was my switchblade. I stared at it, reaching the climax of my confusion. They had left me alone, unbound, and armed? Was this some sick trick?

I blinked rapidly, flexed my fingers, wriggled my legs - tried to establish that I was in fact me, and that I wasn’t being controlled by a parasite. When I was content with my experiment, I grabbed the knife and slipped off the bed. If they wanted me to fight before they took me, then they would get a fight.

I crouched, flipping the blade open and then snuck to the ajar door. It pulled open soundlessly, letting me enter a very ordinary hallway. My heart crawled into my throat, causing my breathing to labour around it - making the rhythm very jagged. I tried my best to level it, but all my attempts unravelled when I heard them.

From a room at the end of the hall, a male had sighed. “Yeah, I dunno. We’ve swept everywhere at least twice.”

Another man sounded like he smiled around his words: “Maybe we should admit defeat. We’ve been staring at this map the whole morning. My eyes are straining.”

I heart dropped like a dead weight: feeling as though it had stopped beating and had frozen over. Denial crept up on me, but I knew better than to fall for it. His voice might have been calmer than I’d ever heard it – it even sounded kind – but I recognised it regardless. It was Ron’s voice.

“Yeah, I guess. It just baffles me how one of them got so deep into the heart of a suburban area. It seems that the fewer Wildlings there are, the craftier they become.”

“That is the way of survival,” Ron’s voice stated.

“Makes our job more difficult,” the other man huffed.

‘Seekers.’ The word filtered into my veins like ice water. It made the pain slower, almost lethargic, but it still hurt with a sharp stab – because I had to admit that he was gone. Ron’s voice was being used by a Seeker. A parasite had stolen him. Ron was gone.

Tears blurred my vision, and my fingers trembled around the blade’s handle. I leaned against the wall, wishing that I had never come. I wished that I had stayed in the mountains. I wished I had persuaded Ron to not go out raiding alone. I wished that I had done anything – everything – to make sure I was not here right now; to make sure that I didn’t have to kill the man I loved.

“Go get some rest, Hunter.”

“It’s midday,” the stranger laughed.

“For a night-owl like you, that’s not a problem. I should probably get my place together, anyhow.”

“Oh yeah, how long did you say your cousin is staying over?”

“Not long. She’ll probably get going as soon as she’s awake.”

“That’s a pity. I would have loved to meet her.”

“Yeah… Let me know if anything turns up regarding that Wildling.”

“Sure thing. I might arrange…” Their voices become mute as they walked away.

I realised that a rare opportunity was being presented to me: that I could jump the parasite in Ron’s body as soon as we were alone, and then off myself. I closed my eyes, feeling a moment of mourning wash over me. I hadn’t prepared to go so soon, but protecting the others was my priority and I knew that I could not get back to them while the Seekers where looking for me.

I thought of all their faces now, wishing I could let them know what I was about to do. The last few humans… I conjured up their faces in my mind, even sending goodwill to those who had worked my last nerve on several occasions. We were a kin of a dying breed, all allied by our need to survive.

I heard the door close and the approach of his heavy footfalls. “Ray…” he called.

I drew in a sharp breath, suddenly frozen.

“Ray, please,” he tried again.

I pushed off my haunches, holding the blade so tightly that its metal trim bit into my palm. I steeled myself, then walked beyond the threshold.

I didn’t know what I had expected to see. Ron, but not Ron. Like a monster Ron. Like a version of him that was in no way him, which was exactly what I was looking at. But it was him, my Ron - dark haired, strong build, the body of which I knew every detail. And then it wasn’t him, because he’d raised his chin a little: causing the light to reflect off his meadow eyes.

Instinct made me lunge.

It took nothing for him to arrest my attack: grabbing my wrist, keeping the blade from meeting his skin. I pushed on my leg, intending to send its knee to his groin, but he pushed me off balance, sending me crashing into the couch beside us.

“Please calm down,” he grunted, keeping me pinned by my septum.

“Bite me,” I snarled: squirming beneath his hold as I tried to kick him, and claw him with my free hand. All my struggles only caused the pressure from his hand to increase, until I stopped when it felt like my rib-cage might collapse. I whimpered, trying to dislodge his hold so that I could inhale properly.

“I don’t want to hurt you. Please stay calm.” I shot him the filthiest look I could muster, but then relaxed enough that he removed the boulder he called a hand. “Thank you.”

The snarl returned to my face. “Don’t insult me, body-snatcher.”

He flinched. “Ray… I know you must hate me, and I am sorry. But he was reckless. He didn’t conceal himself properly.”

“Course he didn’t,” I muttered, letting my head loll back. “The idiot.” I couldn’t help wondering why he would do it, why he wouldn’t take every measure to come back to me. My lip trembled, so I bit on it.

“I really am sorry,” he murmured, and I somehow knew he meant it. Ron would never apologize for anything.

“So what now?”

“You can freshen up, grab supplies. And then leave. Tell the group to relocate.” My brows furrowed with suspicion. “I can’t keep hiding what I know, and I’ve only done so for your sake. Ron knew you’d come looking for him, so I’ve bought some time. But I can’t keep the truth from them, or keep them from pursuing you once they have the information that Ron’s memories have provided.”

“Why?” I asked, still distrusting him.

“Because my kind don’t keep things from each-”

“No, I meant why lie to them to begin with? Why wait for me? Why not hand me over to them? I mean nothing to you. I’m a threat to you. In fact, I hate you. You, personally. You might not have chosen to, but you took him from me - you snuffed out who he was.”

“I am sorry. I am. Which is why I’m doing this. I saw you in his memories, and I couldn’t bring myself to betray you. I am giving you a chance to run. Please take it, because it’s all I can do for you.” He then pushed off of me.

I lay there, stunned. It was the most surreal thing: hearing and watching the soft expressions that come from Ron’s intimidating demeanor. And if that wasn’t strange enough, the enemy to my existence was giving me a chance to escape. But escape meant leaving Ron forever. It was all too much to consider in a day.

I stood up gingerly and looked to him. The arms I wanted to hide in now belonged to a creature whose kind wanted me exterminated. I felt fragile and alone. My strength was breaking apart inside of me, and grief was welling up in its place. “Do you promise that you will give me a chance to warn the others? You won’t take me now? Or follow me when I leave?” I felt stupid asking, because I knew not to trust them. I should have tried stabbing him again and made a run for it, but I felt too broken to do anything but keep from crying.

“I promise, on all the lives I’ve lived and those to come.” Sincerity looked so odd in Ron’s eyes. I nodded numbly. “This must be hard for you. Feel free to shower. I’ll make us a lunch and pack the things you can take with you. It will be better for you to leave in the evening.”

I nodded again, and shuffled off to where I’d remembered seeing the bathroom. As soon as I had the locked bathroom door and closed shower door between us, I let the tears come. I cried my eyes raw: encouraging the pain to hit hard and fast so that it drove me to my knees but also so that the sorrow ran dry faster. Emotionally exhausted, I climbed to my feet and turned off the scalding water.

I’d only just started drying off when there was a knock at the door.

“It’s just me. I took the liberty of buying you clothes while you slept. I’ll leave them out here for you, if you’d like them.” His footsteps then retreated.

I thought of ignoring the gift, leaving it to rot where it was. But reason finally found its way to the forefront of my thoughts: clothing stores were too difficult to raid from, and a part of me had always been guilty when we stole clothes from washing lines. To get clothes in my size was a luxury I should have been grateful for. I pushed my pride aside and retrieved the bag from outside of the door.

It contained a pair of hiking boots; three sets of shirts and jeans; a handful of socks and a ring of hairbands. I threw on the darkest clothes, and marvelled at the softness of the new socks against my chaffed feet. I inspected the shoes, that old feeling of glee warming up my stomach like it used to during Christmas. I finished by tying my hair up.

I walked through the lounge where the parasite and I had talked, towards the kitchen at the front of the house. There, he was rummaging around in the pantry while a sandwich fried in a stove pan.

He glanced up when he noticed me, and smiled. Seeing that ernest bliss on Ron’s face brought a blush to my cheeks, so I ducked my head in horror - wishing I’d left my hair down.

“The sandwich will be done in a bit. It’s grilled cheese. I know you like it. If you get hungry again before your leave, I could always cook up something more appetising.”

“Uhm, kay,” I answered, still too mortified that he’d made me blush.

He nodded, pleased, and went about assembling a collection of food on the counter. They were mostly non-perishables in tins. He’d even added a can-opener to the pile. He caught me inspecting the food. “Tins won’t break, and I’ll wrap them in colton towels to keep them from making a noise as you travel.”

I nodded. He retrieved a plate and served the sandwich before carrying on with his chore again. When I thought he wasn’t noticing, I watched him. I thought coming here would bring me closure. I’d known there was a possibility that Ron could have been taken, even though I had prayed it wouldn’t happen. But looking as his living body made it difficult to accept that he way gone.

“I wish I’d said goodbye,” I confessed.

He froze, his back to me. He put down what he’d been holding before turning to me.

“I mean properly. For forever. I wish I’d had that chance,” I said, voice cracking.


End file.
